Men's Issues Archives - The Best of You

Normative Male Alexithymia: Let’s Talk About It

June 30, 2020 by Morganne Brown Leave a Comment

There’s an old joke that goes a little something like this:

Two women sit next to one another in the park, chatting.

The first woman turns to the other and asks, “Does your husband talk to you?”

And the other woman replies, “All the time! He asks me what’s for dinner, he asks me if he has clean socks. Once he asked me how the microwave worked.”

(cue laughter)

There is usually a shred of reality and truth in jokes like this one, and I can see how and why this one got started. Traditionally, men have not always been comfortable talking about their emotions.

Normative Male Alexithymia is a very clinical sounding term that describes when men have tremendous difficulty putting their emotional experience into words. This can often put relationships on the ice because generally women need to talk about emotions to feel a connection, and men often “just can’t go there.”

Men and Women are Wired Differently

By now we all know men and women are from very different planets, but there are some striking differences in particular to how we communicate. For instance, did you know women typically use twice as many words as men? While women speak at 250 words per minute, men typically speak at around 125, according to Gary Smalley, author of Making Love Last Forever. That means over the course of the day, women speak about 25,000 words and men 12,000.

Men and women also have different conversational styles. Women often talk fast and become very animated. And it’s not unlike them to excitedly interrupt their partner, who may be struggling to find the right words to begin with. This can cause many men to shut down because they are already having a hard time expressing how they feel.

And speaking of feelings, women can think and feel at the same time, but men can do only one at a time. So when a woman wants to “talk” that generally means she is expecting her man to think and feel at the same time, and men’s brains are simply not wired that way.

Understanding how men and women are different when it comes to communication can go a long way. It can help women empathize with men instead of always feeling frustrated at their lack of interest in opening up. It’s not that they don’t want to feel close with you, they just don’t do it in the same way women do.

Something else that can help is working with a therapist who can facilitate open communication and ensure both parties feel safe and supported in sharing their thoughts and feelings.

If you are having difficulty talking with your partner and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

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Filed Under: Men's Issues

Why Every Man Should See a Therapist

June 26, 2020 by Morganne Brown Leave a Comment

While women are often the ones who seek therapy, typically making up nearly two-thirds of therapy patients, multiple studies have shown that men benefit more from the process. But men rarely seek therapy because they just don’t like the idea of opening up to a stranger and sharing their feelings.

Therapy, then, isn’t a very naturally masculine process. But I want to encourage men to push past their discomfort and seek therapy anyway because it can really help in so many areas of their life.

Here are some of the reasons why every man should see a therapist:

Men Often Struggle with Their Identity

Many men today struggle with what it means to be a man. Decades ago, the definition was more clearly defined, but nowadays a man can get completely lost. Should they be masculine or is masculinity somehow toxic? Should they show their emotions or not? Should they protect women or is that somehow belittling women?

It is entirely confusing for men, and many have had to grow up without a father figure in the home, or fathers who were there but emotionally absent. And so men look to media and advertising to find clues about who they should be, and this can be incredibly damaging.

Therapy can be a space where men can learn to define themselves on their own terms.

Gain Understanding and Tools for Your Relationships

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? That’s putting it mildly!

In their day-to-day interactions, men tend to live on a logical plane of existence whereas women live on an emotional one. No one plane of existence is right and no one is wrong, it is simply how the two sexes are wired.

But, since men tend to struggle to express their feelings and express themselves in a way their female partner can relate to, the relationship can take a hit and the two can grow apart.

Therapy can help men safely explore their own feelings and learn how to relate to women in a language women understand.

Become the Best Version of You

Seeing a therapist doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with you. Often therapy can be a way to explore who you are, what you want, and how to reach your goals. In other words, therapy can be a means by which you become the best version of yourself. If you hit the gym x times per week to get into the best physical shape of your life, why not hit the therapist’s office each week to get into the best mental and emotional shape of your life and be a total package?

Get Help for Substance Abuse

Studies have shown that men are far more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol as a way to cope with the stress and depression in their life. Therapy can show you how to cope without the need for these substances.

Lower Your Suicide Risk

There has been a disturbing rise in instances of suicide among older American men. This is most likely a result of men not believing they have the right to seek help. When you’ve got to be the strong one all the time and fix other people’s problems, seeking outside help simply is not an option.

But it IS an option. Men need to get help with their issues so they don’t turn to suicide.

Help with Fatherhood

As I mentioned earlier, many men grew up without proper role models. They then find themselves a father, unable to cope with the challenges and responsibilities. Therapy allows men to discover who they want to be for their children and come up with a game plan to develop this side of themselves.

If you are a man struggling with these issues or any others and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

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Filed Under: Men's Issues

Does Therapy for “Baby Blues” Work?

May 4, 2020 by Morganne Brown Leave a Comment

Having a baby is one of the most amazing and awesome events in a person’s life. Babies bring joy and laughter into the house. But the reality is, they also bring sleepless nights and inevitable and irreversible change.

Having a baby also brings changes to a woman’s body. During pregnancy and right after, a woman will experience shifts in her hormones. This may cause her to feel some depression and anxiety. This is a perfectly natural response to the event and is called having the “baby blues.”

But how do you tell if what you are experiencing is the “baby blues” or postpartum depression (PPD)?

As I mentioned, the baby blues is a very normal reaction. While the symptoms of anxiety and depression don’t feel good, they are mild and typically only last about two weeks.

Should symptoms worsen or last longer than two weeks, a new mother is considered to have PPD and encouraged to seek care and guidance from a mental health professional.

Can new fathers experience “baby blues?”

You may be surprised to learn that rates of depression among new fathers are very similar to those among new mothers. While male depression and anxiety are not a result of fluctuating hormones, their experience is very real.

How New Parents Can Get Relief from “Baby Blues”

One of the best ways new parents can cope with the initial baby blues is to find support from friends and family. This is particularly true when the couple has had their first child. This support will ensure both mom and dad can get some much-needed rest in those first few weeks. After this time, they will have gotten their “sea legs” and feel a bit more confident with their parenting instincts.

It’s also important that both parents try and eat right during this time. Try not to rely solely on fast food and other processed food items that may give you a quick burst of “fake” energy, only to have your energy and mood crash later. And it’s important to also take a bit of exercise. This will keep your body feeling good and help the release of natural “feel-good” endorphins.

And finally, it may help to speak with a therapist. He or she can help you navigate your strong emotions and offer strategies to cope with being new parents.

If you or someone you know is a new parent and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may help.